The Real Dictionary of Construction Terminology
Contractor – A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.
Bid Opening – A poker game in which the losing hand wins.
Bid – A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.
Low Bidder – A contractor who is wondering what he left out.
Engineer’s Estimate – The cost of construction in heaven.
Project Manager – The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.
Critical Path Method – A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.
OSHA – A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs and baloney–usually applied at random with a shotgun.
Strike – An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.
Delayed Payment – A tourniquet applied at the pockets.
Completion Date – The point at which liquidated damages begin.
Liquidated Damages – A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.
Auditor – Person who goes in after the war is lost and bayonets the wounded.
Lawyer – Person who goes in after the auditors to strip the bodies.
