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The Real Dictionary of Construction Terminology

Contractor – A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.

Bid Opening – A poker game in which the losing hand wins.

Bid – A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.

Low Bidder – A contractor who is wondering what he left out.

Engineer’s Estimate – The cost of construction in heaven.

Project Manager – The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.

Critical Path Method – A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.

OSHA – A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs and baloney–usually applied at random with a shotgun.

Strike – An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.

Delayed Payment – A tourniquet applied at the pockets.

Completion Date – The point at which liquidated damages begin.

Liquidated Damages – A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

Auditor – Person who goes in after the war is lost and bayonets the wounded.

Lawyer – Person who goes in after the auditors to strip the bodies.

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J. Jerrald Hayes
Primus Inter Pares at Paradigm Projects, Ltd.
I am an architectural woodworker and general contractor turned IT, Business and Project Management consultant, software developer wannabe senior division triathlete and ski racer, Yankee fan and founder of ParadigmProjects.com, 360 Difference Mac4Construction.com,iOS4Construction.com and now TheBuildingAndRemodelingWiki.com too.
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